Possible Awkward Conversations Before Getting Married
Having awkward conversations before you get married is probably not in your Top Ten of things to discuss before the big day. Prenuptial agreements are often a thorny subject that some couples find too excruciating to discuss before they get married. But not discussing this and other topics can be a mistake later down if you were to get divorced. Read on to see which awkward conversations can help you with a long and happy marriage…
The talk about kids
The want and need to have children comes naturally to many. So much so that they can simply assume their spouse-to-be will automatically want to have a family too. However, some do not want to have children. They may have different ambitions in life and seek fulfillment in other areas.
There may also be delicate health or medical issues that may affect someone’s ability to become a parent. It’s worth taking plenty of time to have a conversation or conversations about your views on having children in the future. Being on the same page with things or reaching a compromise will help your relationship, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.
If both of you have the same approach to having a family, don’t be afraid to get into the details of when you think this could happen. Having this seemingly awkward discussion can actually bring you closer together emotionally, whether you decide to start a family or not. If you are a couple who may struggle with fertility and may need treatment – fertility treatment is one route, but it can be an emotional journey with IVF putting your relationship to the test.
Prenuptial agreements are something you should talk over before getting married, whether you’ve decided to have one or not. Prenups are agreements made between a couple, defining how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce.
If your partner does not want to entertain this topic of conversation, this could be a warning sign of future problems, as you will always have to talk about various issues over the course of your marriage. According to legal specialists, everyone should have a prenup.
If you are married already, then you could also look at having a postnuptial agreement. Both a prenup and post-nuptial agreement are written contracts that cover a number of issues related to marriage. A good time to have a conversation is when you get engaged or begin to seriously discuss marriage. You will need to talk about money during your marriage so a good place to start is when you are talking about other practicalities like where you will live.
Wider money matters should also be debated. Topics such as how you will manage your budget, income, and debts in the future. Financial matters are one of the key reasons why couples file for divorce. How will you split bills and share expenses and what do you think about having a joint bank account?
We are not encouraged in society to discuss these types of things, but finding out about what each other’s financial goals are is important. Try to put a positive spin on things, rather than criticizing each other or trying to change the other. Consider if you want a traditional financial relationship with a male breadwinner and what will happen financially if you have children. What is a priority when it comes to spending?
If you decide you do want children together, then it’s a good idea to discuss how they will be cared for so there is no confusion when it happens. Who will stay at home if one of you goes out to work? Will your children go to their grandparents when you are at work? Or is there a local nursery or another support network you can access?
An opener to this conversation is to talk about your own upbringing and what you did and didn’t like about it. Sharing your experiences with your future spouse can make the conversation less awkward and may bring you closer together. If there are children from a previous relationship involved, discuss how that child’s needs will also be catered for if you have other children to look after.
Your love languages
Communication in any relationship is key to success and longevity. You probably already have a good idea of how your partner communicates their affection if you’ve reached the marriage stage, but it’s always helpful to know what your love languages are. There are five in total, including acts of service; gifts; touch; quality time, and words of affirmation.
These are the ways in which people receive and provide love in relationships. When you know what love language your partner speaks, you will gain an appreciation for the things they do, and they will understand you more too. This will only make your relationship more fulfilling.
Although it may feel taboo, ask your partner what language they speak, if they don’t know, show them the options and ask which one they feel most describes them. Think about how your partner makes you feel loved in your relationship, what do they do or not do?
Think about your own actions and what your partner may need you to do more or less of. Everyone is different in how they convey their love. Discovering more about your own love language can help develop more empathy, understanding and selflessness, and it can help keep the intimacy in your relationship alive too.
Having awkward conversations with your soon-to-be spouse is important and can keep you from splitting up if they are discussed before you get married. Going through a divorce is a difficult process, far more difficult than having one or more difficult conversations.
Although it may seem painful or even embarrassing, it is far less challenging than having to reach a financial settlement through the courts in the future or go through numerous discussions about child care following divorce. Although no-fault divorce laws have made the process more accessible, the potentially difficult issues are not resolved through this means and you will still have to reach agreements separately.
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