Money Talks: When Should You Talk About Finances in Your Relationship?
Photography by Katja Hentschel
If you are anything like me, one of the most awkward conversations you will ever have with your partner will be about money. I have always had a rather unhealthy relationship with money in that I have never really had a lot or made much. I have pretty much spent most of my life as a student and as soon as I finished in education I decided to start my own business, so as you can imagine I have always been pretty skint, learning to just scrape by with whatever money I had. In the past it never really bothered me, I only really had myself to think about so if it meant I had to go without luxuries I got over it, that was until I met and then moved in with Mr T.
All of sudden it wasn’t just me anymore and I soon began to feel ashamed that Mr T was being subjected to my simple, student style of living. Before he met me he would go to concerts, have holidays, weekends away and more importantly have food in the fridge but now all of that was being put on the backburner and I started to feel resentful of my business choices and guilty that he was no longer able to enjoy all the things he did before. I was afraid that he would end up resenting me, so it was time to bite the bullet and have the money talk.
Since we started living together we have always split our bills 50/50, it just seems fair and I personally would feel uncomfortable paying anything less however this means I don’t have surplus for extras or savings and it was important to me that Mr T knew this. I never wanted him to think I was frivolously spending my money on clothes and shoes, so we discussed things like how much I earnt and where I saw our business in a few years time etc. Since then I feel like the pressure has been taken off me somewhat, he understands my financial situation a little more and I no longer feel so guilty. Although it hasn’t solved my money worries completely it has certainly freed my mind and I wish it was a conversation we had had much earlier.
I must also note that not once has Mr T ever actually made me feel guilty or resented me, he has always been fully supportive of my decisions, yet it was something I had concocted in my mind (you know what we women are like!).
Rather than give advice, I wanted this post to be more of a discussion. I’m sure our situation isn’t unusual and I am sure many more of you are going through the same type of things in your relationships. So I wanted to know how you have approached the subject? How does the money work in your household?
This post is not meant to be judgemental, I honestly think that their is no right or wrong in these types of situations it’s just whatever works best for the couple, but lets make this a place where we can share our help and advice so that others know that they are not alone.
I hope you are all having a fabulous weekend whatever you are doing?
Much Bespoke Love